The best way to sum things up is in a single sentence. Here we give our rankings and an unbiased one-sentence take on what we think of every starting quarterback in the National Football League.
- Sam Howell. Unbiased take: The Wolf will be the best quarterback in the national football league this year.
- Patrick Mahomes. Certified dog but surrounds himself with some WOATs
- Josh Allen. I hope to see him finally win one for Buffalo; would be an elite statue outside Highmark.
- Joe Burrow. I’m in the pocket like Burreaux.
- Justin Herbert. Nice dude with nicer arm talent.
- Aaron Rogers. Ayahuasca.
- Kirk Cousins. You like that.
- Lamar Jackson. Either run or throw it to Odell.
- Trevor Lawrence. Take away the Urban Meyer year.
- Jared Goff. Mark my words, he will have a big year.
- Jalen Hurts. Stacked offense makes him look elite.
- Matthew Stafford. Rocket arm when healthy.
- Tua Tagovailoa. Lefty, but can still throw well.
- Kyler Murray. Liked him but became a pre-madonna
- Derek Carr. Hear me out.
- Russell Wilson. Loser but deep down knows how to play ball.
- Mac Jones. Has a few DUIs but knows how to ball.
- Geno Smith. All night revival out of him.
- Daniel Jones. Danny dimes is an all-time nickname.
- Ryan Tannehill. But watch out for Will Levis.
- Deshaun Watson. Confirmed horny (but the creepy/pervy kind).
- Jimmy Garoppolo. Confirmed horny (but in a dog way)
- Dak Prescot. Loser.
- Brock Purdy/Trey Lance. Both would be right about here.
- Justin Fields. On a terrible team but needs to learn how to throw.
- Baker Mayfield. Trask has nothing on this dog.
- Kenny Pickett. He likes PMT so he’s got that going for him.
- Anthony Richardson. Hot take is that he’ll be the best QB in this class (but watch out for that dog Minshew behind you)
- Bryce Young. Time will tell.
- Jordan Love. Time will tell but he did not go to bama.
- C.J. Stroud. Time will tell but he went to Ohio State.
- Desmond Ridder. He’s got a future Hall of Famer backing him up, so he won’t last long.
Photo Creator: Nick Wass | Credit: AP